Paganism and its Obsession with the Gender Binary

     This post is in no way representative of all of Paganism. It just deals with my own opinions, experiences, and feelings.
       The gender binary is deeply ingrained within Paganism. There is the god and the goddess. They are the divine masculine and the divine feminine. You can also find divine masculine energy and divine feminine energy within yourself. People who identify as men are expected to align themselves with the divine masculine. People who identify as women are expected to align themselves with the divine feminine. This is a simplification of course, but I think you know what I mean.
       What do you do if you don't identify with either? I am biologically female. I don't identify as a man. I also don't identify as a woman. It's not that I reject the label. It just doesn't feel right. I don't connect with the definition of woman that is being used.
       In most cases feminine energy is seen as intuitive, creative, and motherly while masculine energy is methodical and a provider. I, at times, exhibit both of those energies. I think most people do. However, that isn't what gets me about the feminine definition. It's the emphasis on being a mother, menstruation, and fertility. I don't see menstruation as an integral part of my self identity. It's just something that happens. I am not defined by my reproductive organs. I also have no desire to be a mother. Sure, some people say that the term mother isn't necessarily referring to having children. It could represent creating anything, be it art or writing or anything. I disagree. I do not "give birth" to my writing. That is not a metaphor I am comfortable using. I work, often methodically, to create it.
       This is why I reject the idea of the triple goddess. Maiden, mother, crone just doesn't describe me and I feel kind of offended that it is assumed that it should. Yet, it represents the divine feminine, present within all women. So I must not be a woman, right?
       My only other option is being a man. No, that's not right either. There is too much to claiming a gender that isn't biologically my own to just do it because it's the other option. People I know would expect me to cut my hair short and dress in men's clothing, to fit the stereotypical idea of a man, because in society the stereotype is the definition. That's not me. I like dresses, eyeliner, and long hair. Therefore I can't be your stereotypical man.
       So, I'm nothing. I'm neither. I'm both, or I'm somewhere in between. This is fine for me. I don't care. It doesn't effect me in my day to day life because to me labels don't matter. That is why I am Post Modern Sexual. Labels are meaningless to me. (Yes, it's ironic that I'm using a label for my sexual orientation that means I don't like labels.)
       But they matter to others. Some pagan events are open to "self-identified men" or "self-identified women". I am neither. I could go to the women's one and pretend it felt right. They'd never know but I wouldn't be comfortable. For me, doing both would be best. I want to participate but I fear they wouldn't understand. As it is I'm stuck doing neither.
       I found this yesterday. It's a decent example. The Fathers of Change and The Mothers of a New Time are doing a wonderful thing where they try to change the world for the better by doing rituals every full and new moon. In these men connect to the energy of the god and women connect to the energy of the goddess to bring change. I want to be a part of things like this, but I feel like I can't because I don't feel like a man or a woman by their definitions. I'm stuck on the sidelines watching, a neutral party in a community that doesn't accept you unless you pick sides. It's really lonely in the middle.
       I wonder if this is because I'm a nonhuman trying to fit in the human definitions of gender.